The Dark Side of “Me First”: Entitlement, Individualism, and the Loneliness Epidemic
If you stop and look around, it sometimes feels like we’ve slipped into a world where individual wants outweigh collective needs. Take driving as an example. It used to be about cooperation, patience, and mutual respect. Now, too often, it feels like a battle of “I was here first” or “my lane, my rules.” The Highway Code becomes optional if it doesn’t suit us in the moment.
That attitude isn’t confined to the road. In many parts of life, there’s a growing sense of entitlement — a belief that if I want something, I should have it, and I should have it now. From next-day deliveries to instant streaming, society reinforces the idea that we deserve convenience and speed above all else.
But here’s the paradox: while we’re leaning more into individualism, entitlement, and “me first” behaviours, we’re also facing record levels of loneliness and isolation. In the UK alone, recent surveys show that millions of adults report feeling lonely often or always. And globally, the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a significant public health concern, with risks comparable to smoking or obesity.
So, what’s going on here? Why is it that at a time when we’re more connected through technology than ever before, we feel less connected to one another as human beings?
The Entitlement Trap
Entitlement isn’t just about expecting quick service or taking shortcuts. It’s a mindset that quietly eats away at community and collaboration. When we start believing that our needs always come first, we unintentionally dismiss the needs of others.
This can show up in workplaces too. We might see colleagues who push their agenda regardless of team goals, or leaders who think authority gives them the right to override others without listening. Over time, this creates friction, unresolved conflict, and a lack of trust.
The irony? While entitlement promises satisfaction — “I get what I want, so I’ll be happy” — it often leaves us feeling more disconnected. Because if everyone is prioritising themselves, who’s left to prioritise relationships?
The Rise (and Cost) of Individualism
Individualism isn’t always a bad thing. It encourages independence, personal responsibility, and self-expression. But when it tips too far, it becomes corrosive.
Excessive individualism can make us believe we’re self-sufficient when, in reality, as human beings, we are wired for connection. Studies show that when people isolate themselves — whether emotionally or socially — they face higher risks of anxiety, depression, and even physical illness.
A UK-based report by the Office for National Statistics highlighted that younger adults (16–29) and older adults (75+) are among the loneliest groups. That’s two very different ends of the age spectrum, yet both are vulnerable to the effects of isolation. This isn’t just sad on an emotional level — it has serious implications for health, wellbeing, and even productivity at work.
Loneliness: A Silent Epidemic
Loneliness doesn’t just make us feel bad. It shortens lives. The US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, recently warned that loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Let that sink in. Something as intangible as disconnection can literally shave years off our lives.
And yet, we rarely treat it with the seriousness it deserves. Part of the problem is that loneliness is easily hidden. Someone can appear surrounded by colleagues, friends, or family, but still feel utterly alone if relationships lack depth or authenticity.
What the Harvard Study Taught Us About Relationships
For more than eight decades, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked the lives of thousands of people across three generations. Its conclusion is strikingly simple: good relationships keep us healthier and happier, full stop.
The study found that strong, supportive relationships:
Reduce the risk of physical illness.
Protect against depression and anxiety.
Improve memory and cognitive function in later life.
Even help people live longer.
This isn’t just about close family ties, either. Friendships, workplace relationships, and community connections all play a role. Put simply, when we feel connected, we thrive.
Why Relationships Matter in Organisations
It’s easy to dismiss all this as personal life stuff, but relationships are the hidden engine of workplaces too. Poor communication, unresolved conflict, and toxic dynamics drain energy, cause stress, and lead to absenteeism. In contrast, teams that cultivate trust, respect, and open dialogue are more productive, more innovative, and more resilient.
Think about it: when relationships are healthy at work, people spend less time firefighting conflict and more time working toward shared goals. They collaborate rather than compete. They feel safe enough to admit mistakes and learn, rather than hiding problems and letting them grow.
This is where the idea of people growth in organisations comes in. Investing in relationships isn’t just about “being nice.” It’s about building environments where people can grow, and when people grow, businesses grow.
Conflict Resolution as a Bridge
Of course, strong relationships don’t mean avoiding disagreement. In fact, the healthiest relationships are those where conflict can be handled openly and respectfully. That’s why conflict resolution is such a crucial skill.
When we learn to approach conflict not as a battle to be won but as a problem to be solved together, everything shifts. Instead of “my way versus your way,” it becomes “what’s the best way forward for us?”
Organisations that train managers and teams in conflict resolution see significant benefits: fewer grievances, better morale, and less wasted time. It’s not about eliminating conflict — it’s about transforming it into an opportunity for clarity, growth, and collaboration.
The Way Forward: Choosing Connection Over Isolation
So, where does this leave us? If entitlement and individualism are leaving us isolated, and loneliness is making us unwell, then the solution is clear: we need to re-prioritise relationships.
This doesn’t mean giving up our individuality or never putting ourselves first. It means recognising that we are at our best — as people, as teams, as societies — when we balance personal needs with collective care.
At a practical level, this could look like:
On the road: remembering that driving is cooperation, not competition.
In the workplace: investing in communication, relationship-building, and conflict resolution training.
In daily life: making small efforts to check in with people, listen more deeply, and nurture the relationships that matter.
Entitlement and individualism promise freedom and control, but they often deliver loneliness and disconnection. The evidence — from the Harvard study to modern public health research — is overwhelming: relationships are the single biggest predictor of our happiness, health, and longevity.
For organisations, the message is just as clear. If you want people to perform at their best, focus on people growth. Build a culture that values relationships, trains in conflict resolution, and creates a workplace where people genuinely feel connected.
Because at the end of the day, success isn’t just about individual achievement. It’s about what we can build together.
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